Think About IT

• Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.
• I fought the lawn, and the lawn won!
• Life in a vacuum sucks
• You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed
• Two wrongs are only the beginning.
• You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever.
• "Suicide Hotline...please hold."
• All work and no play, will make you a manager.
• As I said before, I never repeat myself.
• A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing..
• Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.
• Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up.
• Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
• Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
• I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
• Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
• hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
• Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
• ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
• A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
• Conserve energy... fart in a jar
• Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy..
• I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
• isn't looking good either.
• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
• There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!
• Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.
• Where there's smoke, you'll find my wife cooking dinner.
• Join the army! Travel the world, Meet interesting people, and kill them.
• Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane.
• Me, Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
• I was only looking at your name tag, honest.
• Quick, call a witch doctor! My witch is sick.
• Strip mining prevents forest fires.
• Endless Love: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
• KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.
• Forget the Joneses. I can't keep up with the Simpsons.
• Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2.
• For Sale: Taliban rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
• The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.
• Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
• Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
• Life is Uncertain... Eat dessert first!
• When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
• Dont hate me because I'm beautiful - hate me because your boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful!
• Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
• You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!
• Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.
• I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.
• Smile, everyone loves a moron.
• My family puts the "fun" back in dysFUNctional.
• Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
• Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
• Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you!
• Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one!
• My computer NEVER cras...DOH!.
• Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
• How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders?
• Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.
• My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.
• Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
• Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield..
• Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please!.
• I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
• I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
• Drunk!...naught me - I'm Serfectly Pober Occifer!
• I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
• I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now!
• Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
• FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap.
• Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
• Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it!
• Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!.
• Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.
• Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it!
• Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs...Boy do I love Congress!
• Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
• Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing.
• Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...
• My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him.
• No amount of planning will ever replace dumb luck.
• Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.
• The trouble with life is that you're half-way through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
• If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
• The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
• You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person!
• I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
• I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
• Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.
• Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--ahhhhhhhhhh.
• If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
• Happiness is your Mother-In-Law's Picture on the Back of a Milk Carton.
• This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant.
• Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
• The two most dangerous things in the world: A Pollock with a computer and a programmer with a screwdriver.
• I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
• You're not an alcoholic unless you go to the meetings.
• Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.
• A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
• They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.
• Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
• Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.
• Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.
• Death is life's way of telling you - you're fired.
• Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.
• Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
• Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
• Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free.
• He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
• Who puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there.
• Where there's a will, there's an attorney.